Go! Speed Racer

Yahoo posted the first seven minutes of the movie Speed Racer yesterday, and against my better judgment - and with a few minutes to kill - I decided to watch it. If you're looking to kill a few minutes, nothing will kill them more effectively than this movie. It did not look good.

But don't take my word for it. Salon.com has posted a review that has the tag line: You know a movie's heading nowhere fast when even its monkey doesn't make you laugh. It doesn't get better. Here's some choice lines:

• Every once in a while I'm hit with a movie whose existence I find impossible to comprehend.


• ..its alleged script was written by...


• ..the movie is filled with tedious video-game-style racing


• The filmmaking in "Speed Racer" lives down to the feebleness of the writing


• The effect is clever the first time it's used, tedious the following 999.


• [character] is so annoying I kept wishing he'd go play in traffic


• ...so arrogant about its so-called stylishness and energy that it feels like punishment


• Manic and multicolored, "Speed Racer" is an excess of nothingness.

With a review like that, you wonder if the movie could rival the play Moose Murders as the standard for awfulness?

Probably not.