CitiCorp Computers are always right

I thought I'd take another run at CitiBank's Customer Service [sic] today, just to let them know how pleased I was with the copies of statements I'd received for the wrong three months.

I figure that eventually I'll either find someone that has a clue about how to solve the problem, or b) someone I've talked to before… "Didn't I talk to you in June?!"

First up was Jessica, who dropped me like a hot potato. I'd hardly given her my password than she said "Oh I can't help you," and said she was going to transfer me. "I handle accounts that are one or two months over due, but your account is over three months, so I have to send you to another associate."

I spent a while talking to Kay, explaining that the requests were going in, but I wasn't getting anything out. I also noted that I'd been assured on September 1st that I would get them and now they'd gone and sent me the wrong months!

Kay's mantra was: "We put in the request."

"But I'm not getting anything!! Who can fix this?"

"Hang on," she finally said. "I'll let you talk to MAU, maybe they can help."

She didn't explain who MAU were, and was gone before I had a chance to ask.

Next thing I was talking to Supervisor Laura in Collections.

Now I'm sure Laura is a nice person. And on my good days, I'm a nice person too, but frankly, I'm getting rather short of temper. So Laura probably thought I was a cranky SOB.

Things started off badly when she asked me for my social security number rather than my password. It's a pet peeve of mine as I'm convinced that it's because of this that my address was changed in the first place. She didn't understand what I was upset about, and when I pointed out that several customer service people asked me for the social security number when they shouldn't, she was unmoved.

"I can't do anything about that," she said.

"But you're asking for the social security number," I pointed out.

"I just need it to check that you are who I am talking to," she snapped back.

I then pointed out that my social security number has been compromised so it can't be used to identify me.

"I'm in management, I know they've checked already so I don't have to ask for the password," she pointed out rather airily.

I didn't think to ask 'Well if they have checked already, why are you asking again?'


I probably should have ended it then. I was already annoyed, and she had already written me off as one of those raving loonies they get. But I persisted, and told my story all over again about the lack of statements, and now, about the wrong statements.


"Well, there's a new request put in yesterday," she said.

Oh great! I had no idea the person I spoke to yesterday in Collections had put in another request. Every time I talk to someone in Customer Service they just put in the request again.

"But it's not working!" I said. Then I listed off all the excuses I've heard about why the statements haven't worked, and concluded with the Post Office excuse, demolishing it - I thought - by pointing out that I've got every other piece of mail from them.

"We've put in the requests and it's sent them," she answered back.

"But the computer isn't doing it. So who can fix this?"

"I can only put in a request to the computer."

"But I'm not getting them."

"Well I can only tell you that we are sending them."

"How do you know that?" I shot back. "Does someone actually take them off the printer, look at them and then send them out?"

"No sir."

"Can you prove to me that you actually printed them and sent them?"

With the patience of someone that works with three year-olds, she explained it to me;

"The computer says it sent them."

I thought I had her at this point.

"So you're saying that the computer never makes mistakes?" I asked.

"No," she denied, but then added; "but it's always right."

I was really getting annoyed at this point.

"But what happens if it doesn't work? Surely there's someone that can check this?"

"No sir."

"But I'm not getting them!"

"We sent them out to you."

I tried another tack.

"Okay, so you're saying I'm lying then?"

"No sir."

"Well then what explanation do you have?"

"We put in the request, sir."

I gave up.